Well it has been a while since our last post, in fact I think Nikki made the last post. But I am here now. I have to be truthful, I have wanted to post many times, but have just not been able to do so. I have always felt the blog was a place to "keep it real" and I just have been unable to do that. Truth be told I have been having a very hard time of it lately...too many questions and no difinitive answers.

You see my heart aches for one more little one to come home...to be a member of this family...but is that just me or is God calling me to do that? The truth is sometimes I just can't tell. I pray and pray about this and I just don't know. Then the questions start in my head... Why wouldn't God want me to do this? The Bible tells us "What you do for the least of these, You do for Me" But then reality comes crashing through. Where do I get the money? How do I do all that paperwork again? How do I give each of the 4 kids I have now enough attention? How much of the pleasures of life do we give up to support another child I'm sure many of you in my adoption world know exactly what I am talking about, the questions and excuses never end.

But then I see the children waiting, all the children who need a family, the ones who are living in the orphanages who would give anything just to have a mom and dad...the kids who are close to turning 14 in china and at that time "age out" and must leave the orphanage. How do you say NO?... How do I say, I just don't have it in me...... I'm tired... I want a new kitchen... I want to go on vacation...Blah, Blah, Blah, the never ending litany running through my head. Real concerns, I know.

And, then I watch Annie and Sebastian and I see the miracle of adoption. I see the light in Sebastian's eyes, the curiosity that never ends and the joy he gets from the simplist activities. I see a little boy filled with hope and love. And even though that kid can drive us nuts,(keeping it real here) I love him to no end and I know Sebastian will do something wonderful in his life...all because he has a family and love.
And Annie, well there is only one word to describe her and that is JOY. She is full of JOY! She just sparkles. She is the happiest kid I know...unless she is going at it with Sebastian! LOL! The truth is, she makes people smile...she brings us joy everyday. Would she be the same person if she were still in china? I will never know, but what I do know is that she has blessed my life every single day and I can't imagine my life without her in it.

Someone said to me recently, "I thought you were done with all that", talking about adoption...but here it is, I will never be done with it. I will never forget the children waiting. If I never get to bring another one home to my family, I will never forget the orphans. So I don't know if we will adopt again, but I will keep praying about it and trust God will lead me. Please remember the orphans this Christmas... pray for them, keep them in your heart. Pray for the families who are waiting to bring their children home.

So that is as real as it gets. I will post some new photos of all that has been happening in our lives over the past couple of months. I hope you enjoy them.
Hugs to you all,
Michele